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I don’t like it when my friends die.

My friend Adam is too good for this world but his injuries are something he should not be feeling. He has a shattered left leg, a torn kidney, liver and spleen, both of his lungs are collapsed, he has broken ribs, a crushed eye socket, he had a piece of his skull removed to give his brain some room from the swelling, road rash from head to toe, neck trauma, and a spinal cord injury. If he had survived he would have been paralyzed from the chest down. He has also suffered multiple strokes. Adam’s brain function as of today is 10% and that 10% is registering pain.

This afternoon Adam will be taken off life support. His twin sister had a lovely way of putting this. “I’m asking for very specific prayers and thoughts, and that is that he makes an effortless and peaceful transition to life after death.”

My heart is beyond broken. My heart is broken for my friend who was and will always be a light for so many people. He was just made of “good stuff”. He never had a problem with anyone and would accept you into his group of friends regardless of your faults, your beliefs, your past. He was just a great human being and I love him. I was able to see him yesterday and tell him so. I couldn’t stay in that room seeing my friend as a shell of what he used to be just laying there broken and hooked up to so many tubes and ivs keeping him alive for us to say goodbye. I didn’t even stay in that room for 5 minutes. I couldn’t take it. I cried so hard for him.

My heart is broken for my family as well. There was an autopsy done for my uncle. He died instantly from a massive heart attack. Currently we still do not know who his supposed next of kin is and no one knows where his VA paper work is. I was under the assumption that just having his VA card would be helpful to a certain degree. My family is also refusing my assistance and will eventually let the state in about 25 days cremate my uncle. He doesn’t even have an obituary.

I don’t want my uncle to die without being remembered. He deserves an obituary and for a caring funeral not one done by the state. To me that is a cop out and completely disrespectful. I may not have always seen eye to eye with my uncle but I loved him and still do. My family is pissing me off. I wish like hell they would let me take over. I would be ok with being in debt just knowing that it was so he could have a funeral that meant something.

I honestly can’t cope with anything right now and the last place that I need or want to be is at work telling customers to have a nice day. Honestly I wish they would all leave me the hell alone.

If you made it this far thank you for reading all of this and for caring.

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